It is a common belief in and outside the LGBTQIA+ Community that you can't mess up someone's pronouns if you refer to them with they/them. This page aims to explain in multiple ways why this belief is flawed. This belief is good-willed but it is a misled belief; and using they/them on someone whose pronouns aren't they/them can be quite hurtful, misgendering, and cause dysphoria.
The only case where this is relatively acceptable is if you don't know someone's pronouns and they're across the room at a crowded event or a random stranger in a store. If they're nearby to you, or part of the conversation you're in, just ask directly.
The belief often comes from the thought that they/them is void of gender, and I'm not alone in disagreeing.
The fact is that a majority of they/them users identify as non-binary and non-binary doesn't mean void of gender in most cases.
Non-binary just means a gender is not one of the binary genders (male and female); binary means two; and there are plenty of gender identities between male and female as it is a spectrum, and some folks aren't on the spectrum at all (genderless or gendervoid).
Even if we were to agree that they/them is void of gender-- myself, and others, quite enjoy our gender and having it represented and respected. Arguing that there's no gender attached to they/them and referring to me as they/them really just feels like you're trying to erase or delete my identity. It's misgendering, causes dysphoria, hurtful, and makes me feel disgusting.
If you're using they/them on everyone because you're scared of messing up, that's a form of transphobia. You're taking roundabout measures to avoid any mention of gender because you're scared. It's okay to mess up and it's okay to get corrected. Keep correcting yourself and keep getting corrected to become a better you. Just like with anything, it can be hard to learn and be better at this without mistakes.
Also, keep in mind genderfluid folks who switch between different sets of pronouns. They wouldn't switch between sets of pronouns if they/them were void of gender.
If everyone was really okay with they/them, they'd have some form of it in their pronouns when you ask, in their bios, in their pronoun sections (Discord), or in their roles (Discord servers). Examples: He/They, They/He, She/They, They/She.
Never be afraid to check those places for pronouns or simply just ask!!!
Before ending this article, a friendly reminder that some non-binary folks still use She/Her or He/Him and there are folks who like to be referred to as a woman or a man but still use they/them. These folks will usually say this when you ask about their pronouns, so I wouldn't fret about everyone being that way.
