This is not a definitive or extensive guide. It is just a guide for individuals looking to learn the basics and what to do or not to do.
Everyone has a different journey, so please ask if someone is okay talking about their journey before asking them to talk about it.
What does trans mean?
Trans means you are not the gender you were told you were when you were born. So, non-binary individuals are *also* trans. BUT. Big but. Most non-binary individuals do not use or identify with the label. Please do not call every non-binary individual trans. Some will not like it.
What are the requirements to being trans?
There are none! A trans individual does not have to match stereotypes, dress any differently, take hormones, or get surgery. A trans individual may *choose* to do one or more of these things but does *not* have to. If someone wants to be a woman, they already are one! ♥
What's the point then?
It's what feels right. For me, it's like some kind of instinct. If someone calls me a man, it really shuts me down--I'm not a man. It's like something feels off, but you can't tell what it is. And being called a woman? Well, that feeling is lifted, it's gone. No more mental strain from something feeling out of place.
Some individuals go their whole lives with this feeling on them and only realise when they're in their 30's or sometimes older. It's never too late to transition, but at this time, it will be harder to change the body significantly if the individual would like hormones.
Someone figuring out they are trans can relieve a giant depression lingering over them.
How old should someone be before making the decision?
hahaha We don't make a decision. We have no choice! It's either come out with it, or suffer under great depression and anxiety our whole lives because of fear of discrimination or hate.
We don't make a decision, we discover who we are. How old should someone be before they can discover that they are trans? There's no age too young. Please, if your child is questioning, please support them. You could either A. Ruin their life. or B. Help them live their life happily.
Pronouns
A non-binary individual can have he/him or she/her as their pronouns.
Yes!
What is she/they or they/him?
This can mean one of two things.
The first individual has no preference between she/her and they/them. The second has no preference either.
The first individual prefers she/her but is okay with they/them as well. The second prefers they/them but will accept he/him as well. The first pronoun is the preferred set.
I can't get the pronouns right for a friend and keep messing up. Any tips?
Yes! When you make a mistake, don't correct just the pronoun. Rewrite or respeak the *entire* sentence.
Side note to the last point: Please ask if that's okay first. Some individuals don't like you correcting yourself in front of them. They prefer it if you mentally note it and move on.
Write a letter *about* your friend with the goal of getting the pronouns right in reference to them. It can be on a piece of paper, in a text, or to a mutual friend (or to the friend themselves). And just never send it. Or maybe you can (: (especially if you've written kind things).
Another option is to talk in third individual with them if talking in third individual is something you can easily do.
If this is someone you never talk about, you'll likely never get it right. This is why I encourage these options, so you can get things right.
Please encourage others to correct you as well. But don't out your friend to someone who doesn't know their situation.
Neopronouns. I don't get it.
Some individuals may choose neopronouns because
they do not feel that other pronouns fit their gender or the journey their gender took them on properly. I'm sure there are also pronouns that don't feel good when used in reference to you too.
What to Do and What NOT to Do
Do NOT refer to someone's past with the pronouns they used to use. Use their current pronouns. "But you were a X back then." It doesn't matter, you're being hurtful.
To touch up on the last point. "You were X back then." I understand what individuals mean by this but it can be hurtful, so tread carefully. A trans woman was always a woman. She just didn't know it yet. ;p
Trans women are women. If you have a statement to say about women, do NOT exclude trans women. Same goes for trans men. Trans men are men.
If you are a guy speaking with, a trans woman, do NOT refer to everything between you as "gay." It's straight. Trans women are women.
If you reject a trans individual, do not say "I'm not into trans individuals," or "I don't like dick/vagina." Just say you're not into the individual themselves. It's a lot less hurtful and objectifying.
"I mess up because you zzzzz" Nope. Keep it to yourself and try harder. ♥ Try some of the tips above.
NEVER ask for someone's deadname (a deadname is someone's name that is no longer in use. Sorry, out of order). Their current name is their only name.
IF you discover their deadname by accident, keep it to yourself. It can be hurtful. Their current name has always been their name. They just didn't know it yet. ;p
If you have questions about someone's trans journey. Ask if they're okay with that topic before asking questions.
Do NOT out your friend if they're not okay with it. If someone doesn't know your friend, you can talk about them perfectly fine without the individual knowing they're trans.
Do NOT use the fact that your friend is trans as a way to have small talk with someone. Your friend's private journey is not a way to break the silence in the room.
Trans women are real women and trans men are real men! Declaring otherwise is hurtful and transphobic.
A Small Golden Rule
Don't tell a trans individual something you wouldn't tell a cis individual.
Don't tell a trans woman that certain aspects of her look or sound masculine (unless she has explicitly asked for constructive criticism.)
It's just something that's hurtful when unasked for. You wouldn't tell a cis woman the same things.
Similarly don't tell a trans man that certain aspects of him look or sound feminine (unless he has explicitly asked for constructive criticism.)
Don't tell others you can see their adam's apple.
Don't ask what surgeries someone has had, you wouldn't ask others the same. It's intrusive.
I'd like to complain about the terms MtF and FtM. These stand for Male to Female and Female to Male.
Please just say trans woman (MtF) and trans man (FtM). (Or better yet, just say woman and man).
Trans man and trans woman should not be confusing terms at all.
I'm not a male-to-female. I'm a woman.
The terms also feel to me like they exclude non-binary individuals.
These terms are sometimes used in the LGBTQIA+ Community, but aren't accepted by everyone.
Just tread carefully with the term, it's hurtful and insulting to some.
AMAB and AFAB are also terms. Assigned Male at Birth and Assigned Female at Birth. Basically, what the doctor told you you were upon birth.
I feel more comfortable with these terms. For me, I still feel like it's something that should only matter to your doctor, but they are common and accepted terms in the LGBTQIA+ Community ♥, so it's important to be aware of them and what they mean.
